Frazzled Parents Say the Darndest Things

*Warning: This post contains graphic language*


I freaked out on a stranger today. Big. Bad. Freak. Out. I thought I’d share the story; maybe it can generate a laugh.

Today I drove to down town Edmonton with Nikolas in tow to get his passport application submitted. I was prepared for a long wait in the passport office, so I went prepared with plenty of diapers, bottles and toys. We actually only spent about ½ hour waiting in line to get to the passport desk, and because I had filled out the form electronically, we were free to go after the initial screening. I was amazed! That part was too easy.

So, after feeding, changing and walking Nikolas around a little bit, we walked to the parkade where the truck was parked. He was starting to get tired and pretty cranky. By the time I got him, his diaper bag, his stroller, and my stuff loaded into the truck, he was full on into screaming mode. Let me make a side note that lately when he screams, I usually jam ear plugs in to save my hearing and my sanity. Unfortunately, it’s not very safe to drive with ear plugs. So, as we were driving towards the exit, I had some Black Sabbath blasting on the stereo just to drown out the screaming. All I needed to do was pay, get out, and get moving for him to quiet down and go to sleep. It’s all I needed to do at that moment.

As I pull up to the booth to pay the attendant, I automatically pull out the parking ticket and my credit card. I was ready to pay and get the hell out of there. Over the crying and screaming, here is how our conversation went:

Attendant: “sorry ma’am, we only take cash”.

Me: “Are you fucking kidding me!?!?” From here you can assume I don’t carry cash. This is a cashless society. Everywhere I go, I expect to be able to pay with debit or credit cards. Note that Nikolas is still screaming his face off.

Attendant: “Ok ma’am, you need to calm down. There is no need to swear at me. There are clearly marked signs throughout the parkade stating that we only accept cash.”

Me: “I did not see even one sign. My ticket doesn’t say anything on it. So where can I find an ATM?”

Attendant pointing in the directions of the closest ATM’s: “There is one this way and one that way”.

Me: “So how do I get there?” I had to ask this, because in front of me was a barricade. Behind me was a number of vehicles waiting for me to pay so they could leave. There was nowhere for me to go. I couldn’t turn around, I couldn’t back up.

Attendant: “Like I said, there is one that way, and one over.....”

Me: “I KNOW where the ATM’s are. HOW DO I GET THERE?????”

Attendant: “Please calm down ma’am. I’m trying to tell you where they are, but you keep cutting me off.”

Me (Slamming the truck into park, taking my keys out of the ignition and getting out): “Oh, ok. I’ll just leave my vehicle here, you can watch my baby and I’ll go get some cash!” (This was all extremely sarcastic and I’m sure my face was purple I was so mad. And Nikolas was still SCREAMING.)

Attendant (smirking): “No, I will not babysit for you. You can bring your child with you.”

Me (Now yelling): “How do you expect me to do that!! I am stuck here, I can’t go forward or backward......and can’t you hear what I’m dealing with here!!!! (pointing to the backseat. As if I have to point out what’s going on back there) Just tell me how to get to the ATM!”

Attendant: “Oh, that’s easy. I’ll just tell the vehicles behind you to back up. Then you can back out.”

Fuck, really???? That’s ALL I wanted to know. HOW TO MOVE MY TRUCK. He took that long to tell me he’d get the cars behind me to back up. I’m sure he was taking pleasure in the absolute hell I was going through.

So, after half a dozen cars behind me all had to back up to make room, I was able to make my way out and back into the parking lot and around to where I needed to park to walk to the closest ATM. I park the truck, gather up my purse, get the stroller out and ready to go, open the back door to get Nikolas out.......and somehow in the extremely short drive from the ticket booth to the parking spot, the little bugger FELL ASLEEP. Words cannot even explain how mad/embarrassed I was at the entire situation.

So, I make the short trek up to the nearest hotel lobby, get the cash and make my way back to the truck. Nikolas is still sleeping. By now, I’ve had a few minutes to calm down and am extremely embarrassed by my behaviour. I figure I’ll go out the exit on a different level of the parkade so I can avoid seeing that dude again. I get back in the truck and we start to make our way to the other exit so I don’t have to face him.

No luck.

I get to the exit and there is a big sign saying it’s closed. There is only one other option. Tuck my tail between my legs and go back to the original exit.

I pull up to the window and have my parking ticket with a $20 bill in hand. I hand it over and say nothing.

Attendant: “Thank you. And I apologize for the inconvenience.”

Me: “Sorry for swearing at you.”

Attendant: “Apology accepted.”

Me: “Do you have kids? You’d understand.”

Attendant: “No, but I could feel your pain. Have a nice day.”

And so we were finally able to leave the parkade from hell. The weird thing is that any time I park downtown, I use that parkade. Always. I never go anywhere else. I don’t remember them taking cash only.
 
I honestly don’t.