6 Weeks

Today marks 6 weeks that Nikolas was born, and our lives have forever been changed. The past 6 weeks have been the hardest, most challenging times of my life, but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. I have cried more since our baby was born than I have ever cried, but I have also felt love that I could never imagine existed. Also, I have come to love and appreciate my husband more than ever before. He has really been my rock, and I couldn't imagine doing this without him.

In the past 2 weeks or so, Nikolas is changing so much, it's incredible to see the things he is starting to do, and I amazed everyday by him. He is able to focus now and sees so much around him. He's fasinated by everything he sees and spends alot of time staring at the Venetian blinds or the art we have around the house. He also loves staring at himself in the mirror, even though he doesn't know that the cute baby staring back is himself! Today while we were enjoying some play time, I crouched down in front of the dog, and he seemed amazed with Keko! Keko of course loves the baby and is always near him, which means he's always underfoot.

The other thing I'm loving right now is the smiles that Nikolas is blessing us with more and more everyday. He is really responding to both Matt and I and we love working for those smiles. It is the best feeling in the world and my heart melts every time.

We have somewhat of a routine going on as far as eating and sleeping goes. He's starting to go longer between eating, sometimes as long as 4 1/2 hours, but that seems to happen only when we leave him at Grandma's, where he also sleeps for several hours at a time. I have a hard time getting him to nap for longer than 45 minutes at home during the day, for those rare days that we stay at home all day. I try to get us out of the house everyday, especially since it's been unseasonally warm. I want to avoid getting cabin fever so even if it's just for a walk, I make a point of getting out the door. So normally, we'll go 2-3 hours between feedings, and we are slowly switching over to formula.

We still struggle with breast feeding, so I've decided to slowly wean him off. We're currently doing a mid-afternoon and bed time bottle, which help me to leave the house during the day for more than 2 hours at a time and the bed time bottle helps Nikolas to sleep longer. Matt will usually give him the bed time bottle while I sneak off to bed and get my longest stretch of sleep for the night. The baby gets up 2-3 times a night, 2 hours apart and I'm slowly getting used to coping with so little sleep. Like any parent, this is the area where I am suffering the most. I really miss my sleep. Even if Nikolas did sleep for 6+ hours at night, I'd still be up to pump, as I'd become so engorged. I'm hoping to alleviate engorgement as much as I can by slowly replacing feedings one at a time over several days with formula. I'm really struggling with feelings of guilt about quitting breastfeeding, but it is so frustrating for both Nikolas and I, and I really am not enjoying it. I don't feel like it's a bonding experience for us, and there are many other ways to experience closeness with one another. Matt has also been very supportive in this decision, and just wants the best for both of us. Besides, he now gets a chance to also feed the baby (and occasionally I can get some extra sleep).


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