Snot Factory

This morning, I am running on empty. I’ve gone the all-night distance and the fuel gauge is reading well below “E”. But if it means that I am the one that provides my baby comfort in the night while he suffers from a horrible sinus cold, I’d do it again and again.

2 days ago, Nikolas developed a runny nose and one runny eye. I wasn’t sure if it was allergies or a cold coming on, because all fluids were clear, and I’ve heard that indicates allergies. Well, yesterday, it was proven that he has a full-blown cold. And I’m suffering from the worst guilt because while Nikolas needed his mommy and lots of snuggling, I was off caring for someone else’s children.  He did get to spend the day with his grandparents, who have an unlimited supply of hugs and cuddles and are always seeking my permission to hold him when he sleeps.

I picked him up in the afternoon after babysitting all day and brought him home for some extra loving. I must say the selfish part of me likes one aspect of Nikolas being sick: he needs to be snuggled.  It`s hard to get a snuggle with a little boy who is CONSTANTLY on the move. Usually, the only snuggle time we get is when I`m giving him his morning or bed time bottle.

So I was up for the most of the night, bringing Nikolas into bed with me and letting him sleep on my chest. It was the only position he seemed to be able to breathe in and fall into a deep sleep. This was something I was never comfortable doing when he was an infant, as I was so paranoid about him suffocating. But he usually sleeps on his stomach now, and his snoring as well as his  20-something pounds kept me awake for the most part, so I knew he was ok.

I love being that person that he will always have to give him snuggles and comfort, and to make homemade vegetable soup when he is feeling under the weather. It makes up for the lack of sleep.

House Bound

For the past little while -- I can’t even begin to guess how long, because there is no sense of time in maternity-leave land –- Nikolas has settled into a 2-nap-a-day routine. His first nap occurs about 2 hours after he gets up in the morning, and he sleeps for roughly 2 hours. Then he has an afternoon nap, and it can happen anytime from right after lunch at 1:00, or as late as 3:00 or 4:00. This nap is shorter, usually an hour or so.

I think back to when he was only 4 or 5 months old, and I was struggling so hard to get him to nap at all. It was so difficult, I’m pretty sure it’s what drove me into my downward spiral to the rock bottom of my depression. So don’t get me wrong. I am thrilled that he sleeps during the day. However, it keeps me house bound.

Mornings are strictly for at home. Get up, give him a bottle, let him play for awhile, then breakfast, and nap. Then depending on how long his nap is, he’ll usually play some more until lunch time. Earlier this week I thought I’d try to go for a run right after breakfast, and he could sleep in his stoller. So I got him strapped in, got myself and the dog ready to hit the trails, and Nikolas didn’t fall asleep until we were on our way home, and it only lasted about 20 minutes. (Lesson learned: I suffered for the rest of the day right up until his bed time).

So, if I’m lucky, I can plan to leave the house immediately after lunch, unless he’s showing he’s ready for another nap.....ughhhhhh!

I can no longer plan anything with anybody, especially if they also have a baby, who also needs to nap! If I have errands to run, or groceries to pick up, I can plan to do only one thing per outing. And the whole time I’m watching Nikolas very carefully for signs that it’s time to get home RIGHT NOW because I don’t want him to fall asleep on the way home...because then he won’t sleep when we get home! Arrrrgghhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I’d love to start taking classes at the gym, or attend baby aqua-size, but nothing is scheduled for right after lunch.

We’re nearing the end of summer – gasp – and I feel like I haven’t had many chances to really enjoy it. Every outing is about getting something accomplished...run errands, take the dog out, etc. It’s never just about having fun. And the fun we have is alone, because it’s been so difficult to make plans with anybody else. I’ve been feeling really isolated and lonely, and Matt is still working crazy hours at the golf course, so he usually comes home in time for Nikolas to go to bed, or he's already there.

It’s getting to the point now where I am actually looking forward to going back to work a few days a week, just so I can get out of the house.

Do any SAHM’s have any advice for me? How do I handle this??

I love it when...

Nikolas sleeps through the night. With the exception of one night in the past week, he's been sleeping right through the night. There is the odd time he wakes up, cries for a minute, then goes back to sleep all by himself. I'm feeling spoiled right now.